Right now, they are as bad as they've ever been. I spend a little less than half my time hiding from light and sound. I can't go to school, and I can't work. It's been incredibly frustrating. Sometimes I want a new brain.
I sometimes feel like I live from doctors visit to doctors visit. I manage to do a little bit of freelance writing and editing work on the side, but it's not much. I don't have many friends where I live, mostly because I just don't leave the house. The internet has brought me the gift of support, but it's rough when you can't actually get a hug from a person.
I am in a state of crisis. I don't want to have to live like this all my life. Something has to change. Some medication or procedure or anything really. I'm trying Botox, but it takes months to get that done and the wait for my second round of injections is killing me.
Over the years, the pain has comingled with a great deal of depression. It's hard to be happy when your life feels like it's falling apart. When the only people that seem to care are your doctors and your family. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but a person needs friends. Friends who are up close, and non-virtual. Sometimes I don't know if I'm staying in bed because I hurt or if it's because I just don't have the energy to move.
I am not my pain and depression, as much as it affects my life. Given the right circumstances, I can have a good time. Sometimes I am a very happy person. I love fantasy and science fiction, in books and on tv. I write a bit of fantasy myself, and I'm hoping to self-publish an ebook sometime this year. I'm obsessed with musicals and could sing the whole score of several different shows to you. I'm a loving joyful person in a shitty situation. I just need to find the right fix.
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